The moment when you hear about your daughter’s engagement, you’ll feel overwhelmed with emotions. It is one of the most exciting moments in a mother’s life and you will want to be there to support the happy couple every step of the way. 

There is no set-in-stone plan for the mother of the bride and every mother will approach this responsibility differently. Some will take a hands-on approach, getting heavily involved with booking venues and ordering flowers. Whereas many mothers will prioritise being a point of emotional support and consultation for their daughters. Whatever your approach, take inspiration from our perfect plan. 

Stage One:

Goal: Lay the groundwork

At the early stages of wedding planning there will be so many different ideas floating around. Some mothers might have some instant inspirations and want to get planning, but remember that the bride and groom always come first! Depending on how involved you want to be, you could start by buying yourself a mother of the bride planner. There is going to be a lot on the bride’s plate so to alleviate her stress and make sure she doesn’t get overwhelmed it’s a great idea to help keep track of things. Areas that she might need help with at this point include: 

• Engagement celebrations: an engagement party will typically be down to the maid of honour to organise, but you could plan a family get-together to commemorate the occasion with a more close-knit group. Letting her know that you’re all behind her and almost as excited as she is about the wedding will put a smile on your daughter’s face. 
• Guest list conundrums: your daughter will likely have to go over the guest list a few times, cutting down the numbers. This can be a demanding task and difficult to complete without a second opinion. So, sit down with your daughter at this planning stage and help her perfect the list.   
• Venue scouting: this is another task that your daughter and son-in-law to be might need support with, even if she has her heart set on a venue already. Accompany them on venue visits and make sure to think of the practical questions to ask in case your daughter can’t think past the pure excitement. Make a day of it— these planning days shouldn’t be a source of stress, so take them out for lunch and talk through all the options. 

Stage Two:

Goal: Outfit prep 

As the mother of the bride, it is essential that you attend your daughter’s wedding dress fittings. She will value your opinion above all, so take this task seriously and make sure she feels listened to. Your opinion is important in picking the perfect gown, but don’t get carried away! It is her dress after all, so whatever you think about the final choice, you must be supportive and ensure that your daughter is feeling confident and beautiful. 

That’s enough about the bride’s dress though, now we have your outfit to consider! Traditionally, there is no set dress code for the mother of the bride. You’ll want your outfit to coordinate with the bridal party, but you don’t need to match the hue exactly. In fact, it can be far more flattering and complementary to wear a shade that coordinates without being a match. For example, if the bridal party is wearing capri blue, an eggplant shade would be a great choice. If the bridal party is wearing a trendy coral pink, a demure mocha brown outfit would be the perfect choice.  Swap your day to day flat boots with a sparkling pair of court shoes and tie it all together with a matching bag and shoes and you’re all set!

If you want to stick to tradition, you should next let the mother of the groom know you have your outfit prepared. Tradition states that the mother of the bride should buy their dress first, then let the mother of the groom know. Nowadays, it’s more a matter of politeness to give the mother of the groom an idea of what you’re wearing; it can help her decide what she should wear! 

Stage Four: 

Goal: Enjoy the big day! 

When the big day finally arrives, you’ve got a balancing act to perform. Don’t worry; it’s one you’ve been doing every day since you became a mother! You need to find time to enjoy yourself, while also being your daughter’s rock. 

Take note of this checklist of essentials for any mother of the bride to have to hand on the day of the wedding: 

Checklist:

• Bridal emergency kit. The Maid of Honour should have this covered, but you’re the mother of the bride — you need to be the one ready if others forget! B Wedding Invitations suggests you keep a little kit to hand containing:
  • Phone numbers for the vendors
  • The itinerary
  • Mints 
  • Tweezers
  • Hair ties
  • A mini sewing kit
  • Perfume
  • Tissues
• Speech notes. As the mother of the bride, you’ll no doubt be expected to make a little speech at some stage of the proceedings. Remember to bring those all-important notes! 

You’ll be the first port of call for many people on the day, but don’t forget to enjoy yourself too! As long as you know that your daughter is having the time of her life, you’ll have an amazing time. Once the tears are over and the organisational stress has waned, it’s time to enjoy the party